Cheetos

If there is one thing in this world that can actually, truly, gross me out, it's throw up. Barf. Chunks. Spew. Whatever you wish to call it. For the most part, I'm fairly safe from having to deal with that particular bodily function. I myself have only felt sick enough to dry heave once in the last five years (can you say, "dehydration and sun poisoning"?) And I don't work at a place that people go to when they're sick- I mean, if you're not feeling well, you just cancel your dental appointment. I don't have friends that get drunk off their bucket and need my assistance holding their hair back while they regurgitate their alcohol. See? I'm fairly safe.

But not today. No, not today.

After a wonderful breakfast at Earnie's with Cheer, He says to me, "Just take the day off! Let's go on an adventure!"

I wanted to! Oh how I would have loved to call in sick and gone a-plundering. But, I have this thing about being responsible... at least at my job. So, I said, "I can't. I want to, but I can't."

And so, I went to work. Things were going great until I get this sweet little boy, whom I'm sure is autistic except for the fact that he makes great eye contact, sitting in the chair, waiting for me to brush his teeny teeth. As I begin to prophy, I'm met with far too much protest from a kid his age, "Yuck! This is yucky!" and "I don't wanna do it anymore!" But, I mean, he's only got 10 teeth to brush, any 6 year old can handle it!

But oh no. Not this one. Instead of just handling it like a regular kid, he gags and ralphs his lunch ALL OVER. You should have seen my escape maneuver from getting barfed on, It happened in slow motion: Me, leaning over his head with the prophy cup in hand, see his eyes dilate and his throat open wide. I slide to the left, push the chair back with my butt, and utter a small "Sshhhh....!" and I leap from the chair and out of the way of the volcanic child erupting ORANGE goo literally everywhere.

"Oh geez." I say.

I summon his mother as I sit him up and start cleaning him off. And he just looks like nothing had happened, the spewing episode hadn't even phased him! As his mom comes in she says, "Oh, not again." and walks over to him.

"Wow honey!" she says, "Looks like you had Cheetos for lunch!"

I had handled the situation splendidly until that very moment. It took every bit of my being to stay composed, though I did gag a little and my eyes were definitely watering.

Needless to say the kid was through for the day, and I wanted to be too.

Next time I'll take up that random "sick day", because now I know Karma will be out to get me with ralphing 6 year olds if I turn them down.

Happiness is...
~ Skillfully avoiding being puked on
~ Getting an A on a test
~ Earnie's breakfasts, or any time of the day really.
~ Finishing yet another great book- The Watchmen

"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer."
~ Mark Twain